A trans man’s journey of finding love and self acceptance
Dressed in a plaid shirt and shorts, Rishabh (name changed) seems confident and happy. He went through his gender affirmation surgery a few days back and he is slowly healing from the process.His partner Sneha (name changed) affectionately holds his hand every time he is in physical pain. His journey of transitioning has been a long and difficult experience, but ultimately a rewarding one.
Rishabh was born in a village called Krishnei in Assam. As a Bengali in Assam, he had to face a lot of racialized verbal violence. Even as a child, he knew he was a boy and loved playing masculine sports like cricket and football.His earliest childhood memories were idyllic and would spend his days playing games and running around in the streets with other boys his age and playing with his father. He reminisces his childhood as a time where he didn’t have body dysphoria and felt that he was truly free.
As he started growing he realized that his body didn’t align to how he felt, and this caused him anxiety. His body dysphoria led to depression in his early teens.He knew he was a boy, but his family and society refused to see it. As a child his family treated him like a boy, but into his adolescence, his family started expecting him to fulfill a more feminine gender role. Growing up, he did not have the vocabulary to express how he felt and thought there was something wrong with him.He spent his childhood and adolescence feeling like he was completely alone. He wanted to study commerce but his family didn’t allow him to leave the village to go to college. Instead he decided to pursue his Bachelors of Arts in the college in his hometown.
He always dreamt of falling in love and finding someone he could spend the rest of his life with. Everytime he would go to a wedding, he would wish he could someday get married to a girl, but felt that dream could never turn into reality. He would spend most of his time listening to old melancholic Hindi tunes. He found love in his second year of college. He had a friend who lived in Guwahati who introduced him to Sneha online. Initially he didn’t reveal his identity to her and would only speak to her over the phone. After two months, he finally agreed to meet her and was enamoured by her. It was the first time someone saw him for who he is and not society’s perception of him. He wanted to be able to take his time to reveal his identity to her.
Unfortunately, a mutual friend outed him to her and she broke up with him because she felt he was being dishonest. This was a very difficult time for him. He felt that his relationship was not two months old but much longer. In the meanwhile, Sneha who was previously not acquainted with trans issues, started researching online. She empathized with him and his struggle and decided to help him through his journey.They realized that they were deeply in love and got back together. Sneha is a make-up artist for a salon and has a hectic work schedule. Everyday after work she would spend the entire night watching videos and reading articles about trans issues. This was the first time he could openly share his feelings with someone.
Rishabh says that Sneha is the reason he could start his journey of self discovery and his reason to live. He feels proud to have someone this kind, responsible and beautiful as Sneha in his life. He had expressed a desire to transition and she found out about the doctors who performed gender affirmation surgeries in the country. She found out about a trans man who lived in Silchar and asked him to get in touch with Rishabh. They visited a psychiatrist who gave him a GRT certificate and he started taking hormones. In the meanwhile Rishabh’s home situation became violent after they found out about his relationship. His father found an advocate who convinced him that his gender identity was false and Sneha was manipulating him. His father even to court to file a complaint against Sneha. His parents were against him transitioning and tried to manipulate him against her. They soon found out about SRS Solution an organization led by Tista and Dipan which guide trans folks though their medical processes. They came to Kolkata for his surgery unbeknownst to his parents.They have been together for four beautiful years. They dream of getting married someday to prove that someone like him from such a small village can fulfill his dreams. He feels that love can truly break barriers of gender and society.He dreams of being a successful businessman and start something of his own. He has been trying but has been unsuccessful so far because of a lack of funds. He is hopeful that he would be able to achieve his dream in the future.
Reported and Illustrated by Nandini Moitra